Andeeeee

Sometimes i really do wonder why i even bother you know basically my relationship is going down the shitter. The worst is that the more i try to save it the more distant we become.. Its shitttttt but you know whatever, I've know its happening and have done for the past few months. But im only holding on by a thread and i dont know how much longer i am going to be able to hold on for. I've done all i can its up to you now.

I really want to learn how to play basket ball!! Someone tell me the rules etc pleaseee :) It will make me super happy like. Theres a basketball court kinda close to me but its normally full of chavs which is a bit of a willy. I just wanna get into a sport that i can do and be good at you know, I think im going to buy some new rollerblades and do that if the basketball thing fails. Then i can be a super cool skater chick hahaha.. Its a start anyways becuase i can actually rollerblade lol. What makes are best to look out for?

Also dietttt starts tomorrow fo'sho

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Today has deffo got better as the day has gone on, i went to the gym and nearly had a break down. I caught my reflection in the mirror when i was getting changed and almost broke down in tears. I cant believe how discusting i look, so im on a mission to change the way i look. By that i mean im going on a hardcore diet/exercise thing.

'safe foods'

Any fruit and veg

Any food under 100cal

Tea and water

I've decided that my mission for the crimbo hols is to drop down to 110 or under well 110 is the min i am going to attempt to drop to. My perfect weight would be 100 lbs no more no less, i would be the perfect weight in my eyes.

I am going to do this by going to the gym every single day and burning at least 1000cals, i will also only have an intake of 500cals a day. I will be able to do it, i have three weeks to do it possible yes. Well some say no, but im not going out without a fight.

Wish me luck babes.

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Once you have her

You can't get rid of her

She haunts you always

I found out that the two people who still have the most infulence over me did what ive been debating doing over the past few weeks. I knew that they done weed but i found out that they both done speed too.

And now Amy keeps going on about taking coke and im like AHH!! I mean i wouldnt mind trying drugs but not something like cocaine, speed maybe but thats completely different. She said she wanted to take cocaine becuase she wants to be aggressive becuase she cant stand up for herself. Which to me sounds completely insane, I wont let her do it well i will try not to anyways.

Went to Tate Modern today :) it was really funn, i love modern art. Im one of the only people i know who does though, everyone else i know thinks its crap. But i love how your not ment to take it litrally and interperate your own way. Its about what you see personally when you look at it, i think people just like to see it set out infront of them so they dont have to think about it.

Ohh gosh i gained a new nickname on the bus ride home 'noodle head' :/ yeh i dont really get it either i dont even have deads or anything hahaaa. We watched some film on the way home forgot what it was called but it was funny when Snoop goes "No one touches Huggie bare" and Daryl comes out with "Except Shugg Knight" fricking pissed myself it was so funny lol.

Im never drinking again.

Seriously Im so ill now omg so not worth it, but i didnt go to college so i dont mind that much lol. Also by staying at home it also means that i can get alot of my work done which is in for friday. I've got so much atm its stupid:

# Radio interviews

# Newspaper work

# Video work

Doesnt sound like that much when i write it down, but theres loads wich i've gotta do in each section of work. I can only do the newspaper work at college and all i've got to do now is cut down each article which is only going to take a few seconds to do.

Last night was good, but i think that Amy and Daryl may have possibly made out. Even my friend said that they looked as though they were intimate.  But tbh i dont really give a shit, he can have Amy because i dont fucking want her anymore.

And Paris is being a twat too shes all like "Leave her now and get with me or i dont want you at all" well shes another one that can piss off. Im not wasting my time on someone like that, kill kill kill

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How do i leave notes on peoles pages? I keep getting notes and i must be thick or something becuase i cant seem to find out how to leave them back help someone?

Met up with amy intended to finish it with her, but that never happened now shes coming to the party on sunday with me. When we met up we she kept going on about these new friends at college she made. They all sounded like complete junkies and now shes going on about taking cocaine at the party.

Im quite intrested in how this is all going to turn out.The only thing im really worried about is the fact that she might get addicted then she would be fucked.

I fucking hate my fucking cunt of a mother she has fucking lost my memory stick with all my college work on it!! URGHHH i fucking hate that woman so much shes actually the biggest twat i fucking know. Wtf am i going to do? How am i going to get my work to college now fuck fuck fuck. I swear to god one day i will end up killing that woman fucking twat URGH! I think i might actually cry if i cant find it, i need it. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

And i ate loads of chocolate today as well

Im a failure

SILENCE I KILL YOU!

So im trying to make as many accounts as possible lol should be fun so far i have a xanga, mysapce, thegyc, faceparty and im going to make a bebo lol. I love the whole communities thing haha kinda sad really tbh but whatever.

So college is abit shit atm, but food is easy to avoid and we break up for crimbo soon whoop. we break up well early compared to other people 14th Dec lol. College are having a party at some bar in town should be well fun lol. Going to see Paris's band play next week shes so amazing i actually like her loads lol.

As usual my family is fighting like mad, when i say my family what i actually mean is that my sister is kicking up a massive fuss. She actually is a complete phyco, she properly attacked my mum she had to call the police well scary lol.

Omgosh me and some mates are planning on going to Ibiza summer 08 its going to be so cool. The tour operator was like "go to this hotel, the reps take you out on a booze cruze when your out there" i was like yes fucking please. This also means i am now on a strict diet till we go i wanna get down to 100lbs would be so folkin hot if i could get down to that lol.

Also getting my hair done on thursday red and purple hopefully if all goes to plan, if not im going to go completely red. Its going to look well good when its finished, although i've completely killed my fringee off lol. I cut it way too short and i have to have it pinned back till it grows back, the hairdresser is going to be like "wtf happened here?" I always end up cutting my own fringee even though i fuck it up everytime lmao.

Anways if you wanna chat more heres my AIM and MSN:

AIM: missdismaldream

MSN: dismaldream@hotmail.co.uk

bye lovelys xxxxxxxxxxx